George W. Bush, Hero of Islam

Let's say there are a couple of bad neighbors living down the block from you. One, let's call him Sam, is a real scumbag, treats his family like dirt, and while he loves to talk tough, he never really leaves the property. His neighbor, Max, has a little cooler head and a few friends on the street, but is known to harbor some seething issues.

Now, for a long time, these two antagonize each other, and frankly, it's kind of convenient for the rest of you. You can stoke them against one another like a good Shakesperean meddler, and they burn up their vitriol and don't have time for much else. You can sell one a stick, the other a knife, and keep them relatively contained.

Until you hatch this plan...you're going to evict Sam and clean up his place, making it worthy of yard-of-the-month for that end of the block. Max will be quaking in his boots after such a display of force, and plus you'll have a handy base of operations where you can keep an eye on Max, maybe even kicking down his door as well. Trouble is, you don't get the neighbors on board, but even worse, you don't plan the operation very well, or even accept any advice about the viability of your plan.

Turns out that even though Sam's family hated him, they don't think much of you, and the longer you stay, the less they like you. Now Max, without the containing threat of his neighbor, starts to swagger up and down the block. He knows you can't do much, and it turns out, he can act like a law abiding citizen and there's not much you can do to prove otherwise. Seems the plan didn't work out so well.

This is how Bush, Cheney, and the extremist neocons are have turned Iran into the closest thing Islamic nations have to being a Superpower. While the Arabic and Islamic powers have been known to feud like the tribal Sheiks of old, they have been united in their tacit support for Iran to develop "peaceful" nuclear energy. Maybe this will change if they feel threatened by such an arms race, but one would suspect that Israel and other Western interest are higher on the lists of potential targets.

Rumsfeld helped execute the original strategy of mutually threatening neighbors, so one wonders what he's thinking when he contemplates the fact that America needs to sink at least $3 Billion ($2 Trillion by some estimates, when you consider long term troop support) into managing only ONE side of that equation. For a problem that was, in most experts' opinions, contained to begin with. But that's the problem with these nuts, they don't understand that "contained" can be better than "eradicated" if the latter costs lives and Billions, and isn't likely anyway.

An Islamic "Superpower" with Nuclear capabilities. Congratulations, W. Add this to your list of stellar accomplishments.

Athlete ® © ™

I had no intention of turning this space into a soapbox about sports and society, but I'm swept up in 400 hours of Olympic coverage, so what can I do?

If you've watched the Olympic docu-drama of the week, you know Shani Davis is the first African-American Winter Olympian individual gold medalist; he's a speedskater from the south side of Chicago, that he practically had to dodge bullets on his way to practice, and that he's not a team player. In other words, he's my new hero.

The Olympiganda machine started a couple weeks back, focused on Chad Hedrick's run at 5 golds, matching Eric Heiden's 1980 feat. Only there was one small problem, Chad needed Shani in the relay. After the 5,000, Shani decided to conserve his energy for his specialty events, and skip the relay. Chad said he wouldn't "beg him to race," though he was clearly desperate: He questioned Shani's committment to U.S. Speedskating, his patriotism, and practically started talkin' 'bout his momma. Because Chad wants 5 golds for America, right? Chad wants 5 golds for Chad. Would Chad do a little short-track "for the team" if the final was a day or two before his event? Who knows?

Everyone's in on the story with a similar angle: The NY Times: "In the Davis' world, there is an 'I' in Team." The Chicago Tribune, Shani's hometown paper, isn't exactly honorific in its coverage, as reflected on Shani's web site, along the lines of: everyone thinks the relay is a gimme, but Shani's never practiced this event with the "team." He and his coach, with years of experience, think they can make a better call than a newspaper with once-every-four-years coverage of the sport. NBC happily fanned the flames, and was paid back with a the tersest gold medal interview ever. 12 words.

There are other signs of discord. The Davises have butted heads with U.S. Speedskating over sponsorship and endorsement issues. U.S. Speedskating spins the current issue as far off as it can: "Shani's image is not about U.S. Speedskating, it's about Shani Davis." A pattern begins to emerge.

As with my last story (Skiing Under the Influence), it seems to come down to ownership. That is, once you become an Olympian, you are "owned" by your country, by sportwriters, by your Athletic Association, by the kids who look up to you, by some arrogant compatriot who wants to shame you into helping him win another gold. You have a greater obligation to take one for the team, even if it means gambling with the 17-year preparation for your own event. To be less than truthful about your past (in Bode's case), to eagerly chat it up with a journalist who earlier joined the chorus in questioning your motives.

Now, call me crazy, but here's a thought: Maybe an African-American athlete would be especially sensitive about feeling "owned" by a bunch of other people. Especially a bunch of white people. In a homogenous sport. At a homogenous quadrennial gathering. I'm not trying to suggest that the Davises approach every decision as an opportunity to cast off the shackles of history. I am suggesting this: sporting organizations want to control the development process of their athletes. Sometimes, athletes can skip out on parts of this process, to their own benefit.

You need to look no further that the major sports in the U.S. In baseball, a team has to manage a complex farm system, funding salaries, housing, and scouting services, and integrate that into a professional system. The NFL and NBA, on the other hand, have this handy little tool called the NCAA. Kids work their asses to the bone just to get into these programs, they are fashioned into faster, heavier, smarter, automatons in their sport. For free. Unless they get injured. Oh sure, they get "educations" but they don't exactly go out of their way to let these kids know that, odds are, professional sports won't pay the bills for them, and they should get some serious career counseling while it's available. The schools get billions in advertising revenue, alumni support, and stadium financing, but if one of these kids accepts a throwback jersey from a booster? Ejected.

Only there's a problem. The LeBron Jameses and Kobe Bryants of the world are skipping that free farm system. They're getting paid while their knees are still pristine. They are skipping finishing school and going straight to work. They know that if you are going to make sports your job, you need to get on the clock as soon as possible. That's why the NFL will enforce a "4 years out of high school" rule until Maurice Clarett is in a retirement home. They claim the kids need to get "bigger and more physically mature" before they can handle the NFL, but they really want to thin the herd before the draft. But that's a story for another day.

Last week Salon's King Kaufman suggested that race might play a part in this tension, and that the media was loath to touch that issue. I confess I thought it was unwarranted then, and even now, I'd say it's an oversimplification. However, you can always claim that race as an issue isn't present, but in America, it's a part of our history and everyday experience, so it will be there in some context. He hasn't said much on the topic yet, but maybe the issue at hand is that Shani Davis, no matter what color his skin, wants to control his destiny, his sponsors, his athletic future, whether it's a race this week or a career down the road. Maybe doesn't want to feel owned by an organization, another athlete, the media, or anyone else. Maybe he doesn't care much about his "image" - he just wants to race on his own terms. Maybe he is my new hero.

Those that can't do, write.

Someone sharper than me once noted that, for most people, the Internet is just a place to display your fetish, your favorite anything. Here's mine for the day. The anti-sports column.

My inaugural entry is dedicated to the athletically frustrated sportswriters of the world. The irony, that I am not a sportswriter, and yet I am critiquing them, does not escape me.

Let's begin with Bode Miller. We all know he was raised by wolves in a treehouse, but more importantly, he won a zillion races last year and decided to enjoy his sport a little differently this season. Mostly by wearing women's underwear under his ski suit, but also by drinking beer and playing cards on sunday. Furthermore, he doesn't stay in the dorms with the other kids, but rather, in a 1964 VW Microbus in the parking lot, totally trashing his teammates' "wingman" opportunities. He lost his World Cup in a taxi, and uses his medals to open microbrews. He doesn't spend the race weekend looking twitchy in a mountainside tent, listening to his iPod, and talking about the conditions AGAIN. No, he hits the snooze button until noon and rolls to the starting gate unwashed. What I'm saying is that he's not angling for a spot on the Wheaties box.

Newsflash: This is America, a country that was pretty much seeded with folks that didn't play well with others.

But apparently, he offends some people. A US Ski Coach thinks he's wasting his opportunity, a line he lifted from the coach in Dazed and Confused. But that's nothing compared to the indignation suffered by the sportswriters of America:

In just a bit less than two minutes on a brilliantly sunny day in the mountains of northern Italy, Bode went from ski hero to ski bum."
-- Mike Celizic, MSNBC

5th place in the Olympics. What a loser.

"All that for this? The outrageous statements? The controversies? The magazine covers? For fifth place in the men's Olympic downhill? Dude, if you talk the talk, you have to be able to ski the ski."
-- Rick Morrissey, Chicago Tribune

Rick Morrissey is in love with Bode Miller. I can tell because when Chicago had a half dozen NBA Championships, what did Rick write about? He wrote about Dennis Rodman. About how he shouldn't be on the team. Shouldn't be in the NBA. Shouldn't even be. He poured so much ink ranting about Rodman that it made me realize that he was in love with the Bad Boy. I see that his righteous indignation is showing again, which means Rick must have a new crush. Besides, talking the talk without walking anything is an activity reserved for sportswriters.

"But when has the 28-year-old American ever made sense? Instead [of laying low], the renegade skier, who seems intent these days on blowing up his career and whatever image he was able to muster on the World Cup circuit last year, was spotted hanging out in a pub until midnight Saturday, the night before the men's downhill."
-- Ed Moran, Philadelphia Daily News

That's right, he blew up his career and his image is what's important here. Doesn't he know that he has a responsibility to be a role model? I mean, that's great that he works at his old summer camp every year, but it's more important not to be seen in a tavern. What will the kids think? Ed, I don't know about you, but the night before a fairly meaningless race, I get a little nervy, and a beer or two takes the edge off and helps me get some sleep. I can't imagine a World Champion skier has his own methods to manage such pressure.

What matters is Miller was not fast enough, leaving the single greatest title of the Olympics on the hill for a French surprise named Antoine Deneriaz. What Deneriaz will do with the gold medal is of little interest from here on. What Miller will do without it is more compelling."
-- Bernie Lincicome, Rocky Mountain News

What does one "do" with a gold medal, aside from preening for the cameras or trolling for action in the Olympic Village? Do you honestly think this guy is going to cry himself to sleep for the next 50 years? He seems pretty comfortable with his decisions thus far. He came off the mountain saying, in effect, that if he had done everything right, he still would have been second. Sounds pretty adjusted to me.

Apparently when you don the US Olympic badge, you're supposed to give up your free will and start acting the part. I'm not a rabid groupie, just trying to stand up for his right to do whatever the hell he wants with his life. Despite what he may have done in training, he beat a bunch of other skiers for the right to represent the US. It's not like a committee bumped someone more deserving off the team, and then had to backtrack to put them back on, right?

He is an athlete for his own reasons. I don't know what they are, but probably not to please sportswriters, the US Ski committee, or anyone else. Is he arrogant? I don't know, but since when do we hold athletes, especially champions, accountable for being arrogant? If so, these writers could take a closer look at the NFL, where it's now common practice for third string running backs to do an end zone dance after gaining a few yards.